Subject: A Stranger Enters... From: Mark "Crimson" Friedman <friedman@cis.ohio-state.edu> The Chatsubo was quiet that day. Ratz made his obligatory appearance and wiped off the bar with a rag, fulfilling his obligation to keep the newsgroup even *slightly* related to its own title. Then it happened: the door of the bar was blown off its hinges, falling onto some nameless patron who was only there to be slaughtered carelessly anyway. A shadowy figure walked in, hefting a bazooka over one shoulder. He looked at the man bleeding under the doorway and muttered, "Amazing resemblance to Cannon Fodder..." Generic Street Samurai jumped up from his table and proclaimed, "You can't do that!" "Why not, little boy?" "'Cuz it's *my* job to senselessly destroy lives and property in this establishment." He pulled a howitzer out of his pocket, pointed it at the bandstand, and fired, scattering musicians everywhere. "You think that's tough? Look at this sword!" He drew his katana and threw it across the room, nailing a waitress between the eyes. "Top that!" "I got a sword too!" Generic Street Samurai drew it from the sheath. "It's monofilament: sharper than yours, too!" "Yeah, but mine's cleaner! Look at the way mine glints in the light!" He motioned over to the waitress, who found the strength to hold it up for the patrons to see ("Oooooh!" "Ahhhh!"). "Your sword is all dirty! You should be embarrassed. Clean that off!" The Samurai pouted and wiped the blade off on his shirt. Unfortunately, the monofilament blade *did* turn out to be *extremely* sharp, thus cutting him in half in the process. "Oooops..." The torso fell off the legs and onto the ground. The Stranger smirked. "Works every time..." He walked over to the bar, reclaiming his sword from the waitress along the way. "Barkeep! Gimmie an Old Peculiar..." Ratz did so. The man on the stool beside him smiled. "Nice selection, eh? My name's Freddy Marx, what's yours?" The stranger smiled, "They call me Netlurker. I just escaped to here from rec.arts.comics. What do you do?" "Oh, I'm an angst-ridden decker turned musician who winds up being everybody's punching bag somehow..." He shrugged. Netlurker raised his eyebrows. "Oh, really?" He pushed Freddy off his stool, jumped on his chest, and proceeded to wail on the musician's face... * * * * * * * * "Awwwww, come on!!!" "ACK!!!" Netlurker turned to face the voice behind him. It was Cliche Dude himself! "Hey, I've used some bad cliches in my time, but this is just plain pathetic! I mean, *everyone* makes this sort of macho intro post and then are never heard from again. You should be *ashamed* of yourself!" Cliche Dude pointed an admonishing finger. Netlurker lowered his eyes and pouted like a child. "Awwww...I'm Sorrrrreeeee..." "Now go to your dressing room." Netlurker shuffled pitifully offstage. Cliche Dude yelled through the fourth wall to Gaffer Lad, Kid Grip, Master Electrician, Foley Frank, and the rest of the Production Crew, "That's a wrap gang! We can all go home now..." THE END (a Klone Crimson production) -- Mark "Klone Crimson" Friedman is friedman@cis.ohio-state.edu ................. "There is nothing former "Beat poets, "If you put a hungry ferret in your about King Crimson." not children." trousers, he'll run around..." - Robert Fripp, 5/11/90 - anonymous - Nigel Tufnel (Spinal Tap)