A collection of CyberWisdom


Post your wisdom here 


...should old acquaintaince be forgot...My last day is the 4th of October - not sure what'll happen to
webwisdom...if possible I'll continue it at the new job... 


There's a lot of smart folks out there on the Net - or at least a lot of smart gluteus maximi. A mind is a
terrible thing to waste (or, as D. Quayle put it -"it's terrible to lose one's mind"). You've worked hard to
obtain the chemical/biological pattern in your cranium! Pass on your wisdom! Follow the link above to post
your 2 cents... 


 1. "To be is to do" - Sartre

   "To do is to be" - Camus

   "Do be do be do" - Sinatra --->anonymous exisinatrialist 

 2. Successful system administration is a dictatorship, any other form is doomed to fail. --> Ray Suorsa

 3. unix is an exponential algorithm with a seductively small constant. --> Scott Draves 

 4. The clarity and value of the installation notes is inversely proportional to the cost of the software.
   -->Jeff 

 5. There is no such thing as a secure machine, only good backups. -->Jeff 

 6. No right of private conversation was enumerated in the Constitution. I don't suppose it occurred to
   anyone at the time that it could be prevented. -- Whitfield Diffie, Sun Microsystems -->submitted
   by Mike 

 7. The passive voice is frowned upon by those of us who are in the know. -->Danfuzz 

 8. Unix -is- user friendly.. it's just picky about its friends. --> Heather 

 9. It's not how big it is, but how long it stays up... - from someone I can't remember talking about IBM
   PCs. Maybe. --->T H Choo 

 10. UNIX systems always run in one state or another. -- RISC/os (UMIPS) System Administrator's
   Guide -->Markus Stumpf 

 11. UNIX wizards do it with small modular tools. - From somewhere in netland...-->Phil Meyer 

 12. There are two kinds of people in this world; those who say there are two kinds of people and those
   who don't. --> Dan Georges 

 13. ...stupid users... (do they come in any other flavors?) (I want the replacement set) (Put a dime on their
   head and they will be worth a nickel)...--> Heather 

 14. Strange women lying in ponds is a basis for a rule of government. --> Albion 

 15. One keeps hearing reports of how company A or company X thought that putting a computer on
   every desk would raise productivity. In reality, productivity dropped. Computers will never be a
   mainstream productivity tool until the software intelligence is high enough to compensate for
   mainstream user intelligence. This, to me, is the main point behind HCI (Human Computer
   Interaction) research. It is also why Mosaic has been such a resounding success - you pretty much
   have to be illiterate to not be able to be a Mosaic user. Hats off to the NCSA development team! We
   need more effort in software to compensate for the user. This does not necessarily mean A.I. , as
   demonstrated by Mosaic. --> Jeff 

 16. "I haven't failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work." -Thomas Edison -->submitted by Kurt
   Overberg 

 17. VMS is a text adventure. If you win, you get to use Unix. -->Jay Carlson 

 18. "Profanity is the one language all programmers know well." - from somewhere out there ....--> A.
   Mallet 

 19. Modern times 3 great lies: 1. Check is in the mail 2. I love you 3. Windows NT will replace Unix 

 20. Those that can, do. Those that can't get patents. --->Adam 

 21. Never allow a loved one to stop you from drinking, as they were probably the reason you started in
   the first place 

 22. Q: How do you tell when a COBOL programmer's chair is level? A: He drools out of both sides of
   his mouth. ---Jonathan P. Bernick 

 23. Addendum to article 1: "Yabba Dabba Doo" -- F. Flintstone ---comet 

 24. Common sense is an oxymoron. ---Keith Hanson 

 25. For those whose minds lack option, profanity is often the first resort, not the last.---Doug Payton 

 26. The skill of accurate perception is called cynicism by those who don't possess it. ----Alan Millar 

 27. Fast. Powerful. User-friendly. Now choose any two. ---Eric Daniels 

 28. Law of programming: Constants aren't, variables won't Unknown source. ---C. hodgkinson 

 29. Great Spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds (or something like
   that) ---Albert Einstein [whited] 

 30. TO LIVE IS TO LIVE WITH THE FEELING OF LIFE ---KEVIN MEES 

 31. TO GO TO A SMALL EXPENSIVE SCHOOL IS LIKE LIVING IN A BOTTLE! ---KEVIN
   MEES 

 32. "You cannot pray to a personal computer no matter how user-friendly it is." -- W. Bingham
   Hunter----submitted by Jim Huggins 

 33. Clipper stands for: CLINTON'S LEAP INTO PRIVACY POACHING ENCRYPTION
   REGULATIONS ---Vince Cate 

 34. When laws become unjust, just men become outlaws. ---Vince Cate 

 35. If all else fails, REBOOT (Works almost every time)!---Debra L. Stacey 

 36. The 286 is destined to be a multiuser machine. No one person could use all of that power. -- Intel
   spokesman ----submitted by: Daniel Barnes 

 37. Wirth's Rule: Never store data in more than one place, sooner or later you will update one and not
   the other.---Dave Coleman 

 38. "The weather was foul, or perhaps, duck" - Quote from Spike Milligan ---submitted by Kevin
   Watson 

 39. Never turn away a disgruntled blonde user. ---Don Miller (helpdesk) 

 40. "If at first you don't succeed.....CHEAT!" ---Kevin Watson 

 41. The internet user is cyborg. The meshing of human and machine. Propositional logic is dead. The
   dialogue consists of point and click. True and false are no longer because the information is
   decontextualized and fragmented, the cyborg can only nod his head--that's just life on the net.
   ---Andy Gress 

 42. overheard at the local help desk: "no, sir... too many bic pens around your computer won't hurt it one
   bit." ---vampyr 

 43. Kill It Before It Dies!!! ---Michael Moore 

 44. "Through experiencing fear, one learns bravery."---Brian Albrecht 

 45. Congress spends like a drunk sailor. And that's unfair to the sailor for two reasons. The sailor spends
   his own money. And, eventually, he sobers-up. -- Richard M. Nixon (I think)---Jeff Prince 

 46. Do not ask the Yak. They never know the Way. ---Jon Green 

 47. Said of a user - He was a roadkill on the information super highway. ---Jim Parker 

 48. Live, love, and learn... As best as you can. ---Stephen H. Price 

 49. I smell a wumpus! -- Anonymous late-nite programmer suffering from caffeine withdrawal.
   ---Jeff Bromberger 

 50. Once a Junior Programmer interrupted a Great Guru of the Sun to ask a Question of no importance.
   ---Jon Green 
 51. The Great Guru replied in words which the Junior Programmer did not understand.---Jon Green 
 52. The Junior Programmer sought to rephrase the Question, saying, "Stop me if I appear stupid."---Jon
   Green 
 53. The great Guru, without speaking, reached over and pressed L1-A.---Jon Green 
 54. The Junior Programmer achieved Enlightenment.---Jon Green 

 55. Everything should be as simple as possible - but not simpler. - Albert Einstein ---submitted Simon
   Morris 

 56. Love is that condition in which another's happiness is essential to your own.---David Talley 

 57. I seached the world to find whats real, and when I found it I'd lost myself I'm not for real,
   man---Krister 

 58. *One wooden puppet to another, upon kissing* : Ouch! Love really is a many SPLINTERED
   thing...---rbailey 

 59. All sunshine makes a desert...Katherine Hintz. Out of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the
   most... Do you study the law or do you study loopholes?...my mother.---submitted by jackie luongo 

 60. An engineer who can't write is just an overpaid technician.---Allen Atkins 

 61. "It's not a matter of mapping stars...it's the possibilities of existance" ---Q (All Good Things...- the
   final episode) 
 62. And Time, a maniac scattering dust,

   And Life, a fury slinging FLAME.

   Alfred, Lord Tennyson 1809-1892 

 63. --it was the one time of the year when we got to show up at THEIR doorstep and they tried to get
   ride of us.---James Welt [Coming from a neighborhood filled with Jehovah's Witnesses, my
   favorite holiday was always Halloween]) 

 64. It has been shown that laboratory research causes cancer in rats.---Steve Dupree 
 65. If it wont fit... Use a bigger hammer !!!---Lars Steinke 

 66. Although some people say I am, I am not dum!!!---Devin Nix 

 67. Your FUTURE starts TODAY!---Sarah Escandor 

 68. Eternity is long... especially in the end.---Laurent "Agiel" 

 69. Given a symptom of a bug, check the least likely cause first.---Simon Morris

 70. Q: How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Can't be done. It's a
   hardware problem.---Ralph B. 

 71. Any solution which fits all known facts can't be correct!---Jon Green 

 72. Fearlessly the idiot faced the crowd, smiling... -Pink Floyd ----submitted by Nate Lynch 

 73. OH SH*T You did it just like I told you ?---R. Goings 

 74. If you continuosly do something without messing up that just increases the odds that you will so why
   get it right to start with.---Patrick R. 

 75. "Dare to be stupid" - Weird Al Yankovic ---Dave Lowrey 

 76. I am I Don Quixote, the Lord of La Mancha. Let us not tarry, words have meaning, and with this
   meaning comes understanding. Therefore, I propose that all languages must be comprised of words.
   And, within these words there shall contain letters. These letters shall make up the words that make
   up the language. ---eric"the munk" 

 77. All games are built on prophecy. --Marian Helsby 

 78. Nigel gave the lamp a cautious buff and small smoking red letters appeared in the air. 'Hi,' Nigel
   read aloud, 'Do not put down the lamp because your custom is important to us. Please leave a wish
   after the tone and, very shortly, it will be our command. In the meantime, have a nice eternity.' from
   Terry Pratchett's Sourcery---submitted by Aaron Fuegi 

 79. In a mad world, only the mad are sane.---Aaron Fuegi 

 80. Damn I'm mad!---editor 

 81. "A coward dies a thousand deaths, a brave man only one. A thousand to one--that's good
   odds."----Beauregard Maverick---submitted by Mike Edmonds 

 82. Symbolic links is the Unix way of saying: Get Lost.---Moose J. Finklestein 

 83. If you love something, set it free. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it.---anonymous 

 84. Poetry conveys understanding without intellectual knowledge or understanding, only through the
   ability of man's intuition. . .---Darren Nolan-"Ye Cursed Man" 

 85. Horn busted! Watch for finger... ------- This saying blank to save space ------- I may not
   always be right, but I'm never in doubt. Bad spellurs uf the werld uniet!---Edward Kmett 

 86. To err is human to really foul up requires a computer---Marge Robbins 

 87. Life is full of decisions, but you never get to make any --Linus Van Pelt---submitted by Eric
   Alfred Burns 
 88. You have to know enough to know when the person that's supposed to know doesn't
   know.---George Chapek 

 89. Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.---Dave Heath 

 90. At our office it's only the computer who makes mistakes! (read when walking by the
   secretary-office at our University)---Rody Middelkoop 
 91. It is better to be a smart ass than a dumb ass.---Daniel Kaminsky 

 92. If you are involved in too many things, the only thing that you will excel at is being busy. ---Roland
   Gustafsson 

 93. A cat that jumps on a hot stove will never jump on a hot stove again.Neither will it jump on a cold
   stove.---Michael Cameron 

 94. REMEMBER! No matter where you go, there you are.---Doug Foss 

 95. I've seen scarier secret police agencies than his completely destroyed by a Czech hippie playwright
   with a manual typewriter. -- Bruce Sterling---submitted by Mike Fessler 

 96. Question - What is the definition of a constant Variable? 

 97. Hey?! what the hell happened to my file? -every computer user at one time or another.---GAVco. 

 98. Would Somebody PLEASE explain what the definition of a Contstant Variable is? -10th grade
   computer programming class... 

 99. This weatheradio station serving central Kansas has terminated normal programming, so that we can
   bring you the latest information on this tornadic situation. -- The only warning Dorothy
   got...---Ryan Tucker [rtucker@ins.infonet.net 

100. WE DREAM TO WAKE TO LIFE---M A MCC 

101. I don't mind anyone owning fire arms, just give me all the ammunition...---Sarrah 

102. 'm a liberal, but I'm not naive enough to believe that I'm gonna stay that way---anonymous 

103. "When Life Sucks, Suck LIfe!"---anonymous 

104. "If at first you don't suceed, fail, fail again!" (Murphy/numerous college weed-out
   pamphlets)---Jon Williams 

105. I've not yet begun to defile myself. (From the 1994 movie, Tombstone)---submitted by Lori Ann
   McAllester 

106. "It's not an information superhighway. It's a maze of twisty little passages, all different, inhabited by
   MUD players." -- JQ Johnson; submitted by Richard Godard 

107. No por mucho madrugar amanece mas temprano. ( Anonimo ) 

108. Sometimes I think the best proof of intelligent life in outer space is the fact they've never contacted
   us. -- Butter / Thomas quotes his thoughts. 

109. On-Line? Hit ALT-H for a quick I.Q. test---Michael Alan Breen 

110. If I were 7 feet tall IŽd be illegal in three states---Emil 

111. resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.---Mark Prabucki 

112. God is dead. - Nietszche Nietszche is dead. - God ---Rob Laltrello 

113. If everythings seems to be breaking down, it is the best time to pull yourself together.---MaRue 

114. The Universe is just one of those things that happen from time to time. -- Alan Guth Good things
   come to those who wait. Crap arrives the fastest. -- Rich Hall talking about snail mail Nature
   doesn't give a damn what you think will happen. --My boss, on wierd things with Cosmology
   ---submitted by Mark Rickard 

115. A mind is a terrible thing....---Ted 

116. There are only two things to do with a problem: solve it, or eliminate the source.---James Carter,
   B.T. Washington High 

117. If you will make the corrections that I have noted in red ink, I will consider this your preliminary  
   paper and allow you to submit the final version next class. By the way, you owe me one red pen!
   ---Instructor, Howard University 

118. Just because you're you doesn't mean I'm not. -Matt 

119. Be who you are and not who you want to be. ---David Thompson 

120. be careful who you hang out with because proximity breeds sensitivity---charisse jacobs 

121. Wow! too munths ago I kuddent spel enjinear - now I are one!---Pookie 

122. Sufficently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. -- Arthur Clarke Adequacy is
   sufficent. -- Adam Osborne 

123. life is the living you do, death is the living you don't. ---wrosemond 

124. Only in sleep is one immortal...unless you hit the ground at the bottom of the cliff.---Roadkill

125. Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer? A:
   Chelsea------Marilyn 

126. It's better to be late arriving than not to arrive at all...---McKenna Wentworth 

127. "Object-oriented is a semantically overloaded term" - Peter Buneman 

128. MIPS = 2 **(current_year - 1984) --- Bill Joy 

129. THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH POLITICIANS.---SIMPSON 

130. Q: Why haven't any of us done anything latley? A: Because we've been too busy reading these stupid
   comments! 

   The rule of all software: The ratio of how useless a software package really is is in direct porportion
   to the time spent on it. ---Tulsa University Student 

131. "Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein---submitted by Rob Thacker 

132. Law of Standards: The degree of adherence to standards and procedures is inversely proportional to
   the proximity of a deadline. ---J. David Alban 

133. It's better to have it and not need it than to need it and not ot have it. 

134. That which does not kill me can still hurt a lot.---eburgess 

135. As a species, it is time to grow up. (Pat Shipman, paleoanthropologist and author) 

136. The Golden Rule of Computers: "Computers do what they are told."

   Corrollary to the Golden Rule: "98% of all errors are human errors." 

   Restatement of Corrollary: "Stupid is as stupid does, sir." 

   ---Jeff K. 

137. There is no freshness date on software; bits do not spontaneously decay. If it worked yesterday, but
   isn't working today, assume the Corrollary to the Golden Rule (see above). ---Jeff 

138. It's not a good idea to have a coffee drinking contest. ---Shane 

139. Don't worry - i have the perfect way to cure your split personality. Which one do you want me to
   shoot?---Sara 

140. YOUR WORST DAY IS STILL TO COME---WINTER 

141. if you don't want a power shut off, DO BACKUPS !!---mhalpern 

142. UNIX is a terrible thing to mind...---pjs 

143. Anything you are looking for will always be in the last place you look for it. --Piers Anthony 

144. Life's a trip...not an ego one.---Joey Cato 

145. Rigid flexibility... the key to indecision!!--Marc Peeper 

146. For every person that believes there is an easy way out, there are one-hundred and one people
   waiting to stop them.---Mephisto 

147. Favorite saying - Byte Me ;)---Jason Riley 

148. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such -- Henry
   Miller---submitted by Steve Polyak 

149. "Labels are devices for saving talkative persons the trouble of thinking." --John
   Morley----submitted by christy "khaki" pardew 

150. Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account
   Hofstadter's Law.---Richard 

151. How do you know if your mission in life is complete? If your still alive, it isn't.---D.Sewell 

152. Woman, Can't live with them ....... Pass the beer nuts ! Norm Peterson (cheers). 

153. When things go wrong, don't go with them.---Colin and Mike 

154. "I know you believe you understood what you think I said, but I am sure you realise that what you
   heard is not what I meant to say...Which is...You can do it anyway you want to as long as you do it
   my way first......!" -A Small Communication Problem.---Charles Hellawell 

155. Information demands to be free for only mediocre people like censorship. Unfortunately, one can't
   be totally opposed to some form of censorship as personal feelings are always involved.---Tristan
   Louis 

156. Breaking into the Pattern room just 'cause it's there is sillier than climbing Mount Everest just 'cause
   it's there, because Mount Everest doesn't have a gang of psychopathic millenaries who will chase
   you around and be upset at you for the rest of your very short life. -- Bernie H. 

157. evans' first law of information: "Information flows uphill and against the wind to where it can do
   the most damage." (my dad in the '70's)---peter evans 

158. History never repeats itself... Historian merely repeat each other...---Chet Anekwe 

159. "It's like, at the end, there's this surprize quiz: am I proud of me? I gave my LIFE to become the
   person I am right now! Was it worth what I paid? -Richard Bach 

160. Food, Food, glorious food! I weigh 325 pounds, and I love eating as you can see. I think everybody
   should be just like me! Fat, Fat, Fat! 

161. The speed of the Web is inversly proportional to how many people you are demonstrating it
   to....---andrew blackburn 

162. "If Music be the Food of Love ­ Logon!"---Henrietta Purcell 

163. I think that I shall never see, A billboard as lovely as a tree. And if perchance that tree should fall, It
   will make a sound as it crushes your skull.---Ryan Biggs 

164. Deep Thought: Every sound-minded individual who can justify his/her existance should obey rules
   of the abstract subjectivism!---Anton Lopatinsky 

165. "If it doesn't fit, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway" ASUW Bike Shop